Stop Looking at Yourself

We are obsessed with our own reflections — and it’s making us lame.

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I pulled back the salmon-colored curtain and revealed a dimly lit dressing room. The clothes I had selected were hanging on a metal bar, placed there by a sales associate.. “Let me know if you need anything,” a voice chirped from behind the curtain. Something felt weird. “Duh,” I realized. Aritzia dressing rooms don’t have mirrors.

I tried on a variety of polyester going-out tops, some cute, most itchy — and one so uncomfortable it wasn’t worth the trip to the communal viewing space. I was so focused on how the clothes felt that I didn’t care much about seeing them on my body. So, in my typical wannabe-Carrie Bradshaw fashion, I couldn’t help but wonder: is there something nice about trying on clothes without a mirror? Perhaps there is something we could learn from the mirrorless Aritzia experience?

My college group chat, and what seems like most of the internet, said otherwise. “I hate when people have their stupid f—ing boyfriends there,” said Sophie, a frequent patron. My friend Molly ranted about “having to go outside and have the 14-year-olds and their moms look at me — like MIND UR BUSINESS.”

I explained my hot take, that changeroom vagrants aside, there might be something positive about the experience of getting dressed without looking at yourself. 

“I hate it because of the vulnerability of it all,” my friend Libby pitched in. “When I am picking clothes from my closet, I already have an idea of how it looks on me and how I feel in it. Being forced to see how I feel about a new piece of clothing in a public space can be intimidating.” 

I imagine that many people share Libby’s discomfort. We, with our selfie cameras and always-available photo albums, are so used to knowing what we look like, it is a disarming experience to be without access to our own reflections. We are junkies addicted to our appearances, and smartphones provide a never ending supply of hits; even when they run out of battery and lose all computerized function, they are still mirrors.

The obsessive human interest in what we look like isn’t novel to the digital age, but social media has increased our collective level of self-awareness. Never before have we consumed such a degree of images of ourselves and others. Never before have we lived with an understanding that, at any moment, an algorithm could give us an audience akin to Elizabeth Taylor’s. Accessibility breeds compulsion — most young vape addicts weren’t former cigarette smokers looking for a safer option, they got wasted on convenience. It’s time we reflect on how we reflect.

SAVE SOMETHING FOR THE IMAGINATION

Catherine Shannon, writer and comedian, wrote an insightful Substack post titled “Your phone is why you don’t feel sexy.” The essay collected over 16 thousand likes, and for good reason. It presents a compelling new perspective to the phones-are-ruining-us conversation: not only are cell phones ravaging mental health, they’re stripping us of our intrigue. 

“...Why force yourself to daydream about the guy you’re seeing when you can easily look at dozens of photographs of him online?” Shannon writes. “Today, everyone and everything is always available, and there’s nothing less sexy than that.” 

Hotness, desirability, confidence — whatever “sexy” means to you — is an energy propelled by one’s conviction in their outward presentation. She who is sexy does not need to examine her appearance 500 times a day to check if she is still, in fact, sexy. She who is sexy will catch an accidental glimpse of herself in a brightened window or blackened screen and feel giddy. Everytime we look at ourselves, we lose a fraction of mystery and, in turn, the ability to let an internal confidence radiate outwards. 

Why is it that the person we spend the most time with, the person we are stuck with for all mortal existence, requires so much self validation? Why is it that the only person we will never actually see with our own eyes is the person we obsessively look at the most? Why do we deny ourselves the fun of reverie and speculation?

FEEL GOOD, LOOK BETTER

During my junior year of college, I lived in Prague for five months in a room without a mirror. Other rooms in my apartment had a mirror: namely, the bathroom, although I could see only above my neck, and my roommates’ rooms. Sometimes I crept next door to peek at my outfit, but often, closed-door circumstances forced me to leave the house sans inspection. Coincidentally — or perhaps not — that semester was the most confident and carefree I’ve ever felt. While it would be silly to declare that my lack of mirror was the sole cause of this distinctive verve, as I was frolicking around Europe with limited responsibilities, it was liberating to put my appearance on the backburner, despite the decision being out of my control.

When you start your day with self-scrutiny, you’re unlikely to feel nonchalant at noon. That’s the essence of the oh-so-trendy morning routine: how you wake up sets the tone for the rest of your day. When I woke up, threw on an outfit that I trusted to make me feel good, and pounded the cobblestone, I didn’t spend the rest of the day worried about what I looked like. My days were defined by things and people outside of myself. For the longest consistent period of my teens and young adulthood, I wasn’t exercising or eating particularly healthy, I wasn’t getting manicures or blow drying my hair, but I felt my best.

And feeling good is the most underrated accessory. While a great bag might compliment an outfit, self-assurance will seal it with a satiny bow. Remember Kim Kardashian’s 2024 Maison Margiela Met Gala look (say that three times fast!)? Her embellished, silver gown was quite objectively beautiful (barring the shabby gray cardigan, in my opinion), but she looked uncomfortable. At the most-watched fashion event of the year, the star could hardly breathe in her cartoonishly tight corset and was unable to walk in her heel-less pleasers. While Kardashian’s sartorial history depicts her openness to taking risks, it also demonstrates the hard truth that no designer label can mask physical discomfort. Ask yourself this: when do you worry more about your appearance, in a well-fitting pair of jeans and a comfortable sweater, or in a strapless bodycon dress?

FIND YOUR OLD RELIABLES

I’ll argue that one of the best ways to determine your feel-good-look-good outfits is to step away from your damn reflection. Instead of paying attention to how you look, focus on how your clothes feel. Is your shirt itchy? Do you like the way these trousers hug your hips? Will you still feel good in an hour? In five hours?

Capsule wardrobes have been sanctioned by style experts and sustainability advocates alike, but they empower a look-based approach. Their ideal closets are composed of timeless silhouettes, neutral hues, and durable materials. That’s good and all, but what they fail to emphasize is the “feel” component. An enduring style of blouse might always be en vogue, but if it doesn’t make you feel good, that perpetuity means nothing. What should be emphasized instead is discovering what timelessness means to the individual; one’s closet should feature clothing that will never go out of their style.

I am at risk of becoming too preachy, so instead I’ll introduce you to my boyfriend. I’ve known Drew for two-and-a-half years and two apartments. Since we met, he has never owned a full-length mirror. However, for your average finance bro, he has a surprisingly decent style. 

During the work week, he dons some combination of dress pants and button-down or polo, and looks in the mirror to fix his hair and that’s about it. On the weekend, when he goes a bit crazier with jeans and a sweater or T-shirt, he says he only checks his appearance when he thinks there could be a “glaring issue” with his outfit, like the result of sitting in something suspicious. With one-fourth of the amount of clothes I own (and annoyingly, four times the closet space), he can create infinite outfits that allow him to step into the world feeling confident and feeling like himself. 

As we begin to wake up to the perils of social media and cell phone addiction, we should include in that conversation the addiction to our reflections. Like a drug fiend obsessed with checking an empty dime bag, hoping that some supply will magically appear, nothing will come from checking ourselves over and over again. We will be met only with what we already know. How we look is ultimately out of our control, aesthetic additions can only do so much, but how we feel is ours to own. 

So next time you find yourself in an Aritzia dressing room, don’t panic. Take a moment to self reflect before stepping in front of the mirror. 🌀

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Julia Gordon is a writer based in Chicago. She is obsessed with finding the perfect pair of baggy jeans and geeks out over curating hyper-specific Spotify playlists. She covers all things fashion and personal style on her Substack: Wear it Well.